The Fear Is Where You Begin

"Grief is a black cookpot and all you get is ladles."

Andy Patton is the creator of the Darkling Psalter, a collection of creative renditions of the Psalms paired with new poems. He writes about biblical theology at Pattern Bible and co-edits a newsletter of cultural resources at Three Things. He holds an M.A. in theology from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He works for the Rabbit Room and is a former staff member at L'Abri Fellowship in England.

The Fear Is Where You Begin

You said: Whatcha been doing?
I said: I been fighting with wolves.
I been digging ditches all summer,
Alone, sweating through my graveclothes. 

How you been these days?
Busy. Scraped thin. Breathing fast.
Scootin’ along my metalled ways
Planting panicseed. Scared as hell.

Can’t you let go of all that?
You try grinding like this,
Paying bloodcoin, going brittle as coral.
I’ll rattle between two trains
And wait for the year to change.

You know God ain’t never lost a beef.
But Lord knows we both got broke.
Besides, what damn good is blessing
If all you get is a life no one would ask for?

You said: Ain’t that the truth? Grief is a black cookpot
And all you get is ladles. Good news is
The fear is where you begin.
I said: Yes, the fear is where you begin.

---

Photo by Hans Veth on Unsplash