The Light No Night Allays—Andy Patton

“Hidden in the loss was another life“

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Andy Patton is the creator of the Darkling Psalter, a collection of creative renditions of the Psalms paired with new poems. He writes about biblical theology at Pattern Bible and co-edits a newsletter of cultural resources at Three Things. He holds an M.A. in theology from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He works for the Rabbit Room and is a former staff member at L'Abri Fellowship in England.

The Light No Night Allays

by Andy Patton

“I will show him how much he must suffer...” Acts 9:16

I.

I knew the boy wanted killing.
The more he talked, the more he made 
That foul hash of the words I loved.
We were all screaming by the end.
Men pressed their hands to their ears
And scrabbled in the dirt for stones.
They kicked him along the ground
While I held their clothes, relieved.
And then that mummer's farce—
He raised his eyes and smiled
And called out to my God
As if the sky itself opened.
I told myself I earned your praise.
I saw no light but my skin burned for days. 

II.

I am a Jew of Tarsus. 
I have hoped and studied and prayed
And waited for Messiah.
Your people are my delight.
As to zeal, it has been a knife.
I was headlong and plunging.
I plotted and raged. 
I knew I was right. I ran 
From town to town those days.
I dragged men from their houses.
I was angry and my head hurt,
But I longed to suffer for God.
He is a consuming fire.
I gave him all that he required.

III. 

There was a whisper of wings 
And I clattered to the ground.
The pain was not the blow that shook me,
Nor the savage light, nor the violence, 
But the knowledge, sudden and sure
That I was wrong. 
I saw the light no night allays and held
My face to the dirt, blind and silent.
The rocks rattled around me
And lifted from the ground.
The crushed heads of roses slipped from my hands.
My companions gathered me to my feet
But I was revoked and sundered.
I remember nausea and wonder.

IV.

I fell to fever flat out
And sweated in bed for weeks.
I walked outside and nothing was clear.
I have flensed his lambs.
The one I hated was the one I loved.
At a stroke, my past broke to bits of glass.
I never thought my God
Would send a hope so far from me, but
Hidden in the loss was another life
And love itself is thunderous light.
It is longer than I thought and strange.
I say the psalms but the words are changed.

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Photo by James Day on Unsplash